Catch-22
by Aero-Cluster
Summary: 03: Because studying takes us to whole new heights, although not as high as our stupidity takes us. AU
1. Game

**Catch-22**

**Disclaimer: Me own/claim nothin'**

_Because not everything's a pinch of joy and a dash of rainbow with ice cream topped with cherry._

01: Game

* * *

"Did you gain weight Erza?" Jellal asked his girlfriend nonchalantly.

"_Excuse me?_" they were a couple for quite some time now, and Erza has been trying her best not to kick his 'boyfriend' out of her house—apartment. After all living under the same roof has never been easy for both of them.

"Sorry, it came out as a question. Let me reconstruct that. You got fat."

"I did _not_ get fat! I _don't _get fat!"

"Oh? Well, you look good in that ten layered clothing." he started chuckling at his self-proclaimed remark and continued. "What's it called again? Oh that's right. _Flesh._" He was teasing her. Again. For the millionth time. And she was getting sick of it.

"Oh, Jellal do you know how to call a man without a home? What's he called again?"

He smiled at this. He loves it when she plays his game.

"_Homeless._" Jellal giggled for thinking that the answer was so easy. He took a sip of coffee from his mug and looked at her, face beaming.

Erza returned a sweeter smile and his stomach was tied up in knots.

"Nope. He's called _Jellal Fernandes._" He spewed the coffee that almost made him choke. He stared at her, eyes too round for his own liking.

"Well you look rather good in that eyes-wide-mouth-agape-I-can't-believe-it face you're wearing." She quickly went to their bedroom and he heard things that were displeasing to his ears. Then he heard a clinking sound.

She came out and faced the dazed man who still looked broken and beyond repair.

"What's it called again? Oh that's right. _Screwed._"

Erza pocketed the spare key to her apartment that was once his.

_She is NOT doing this to me._ He thought but then again, she already did.

"Oh, wanna know something else? How do you call a _fat _lady who just kicked his boyfriend out of her apartment because of stupidity?"

"… Erza Scarlet?" he still managed to answer with a weak smile, frantically hoping this was just part of the game he wanted to play so badly.

"Jellal Fernandes, the correct answer is _Single. _Game over." And the last thing he saw was his now airborne mug travelling over a hundred miles per hour hitting him square on the face, sending him flying outside and then being enveloped by his mountains of clothing.

xoxoxox

Erza just came back home from her part-time job downtown and heck, she was not having the time of her life. She broke up with her boyfriend just because of a simple joke. And hell was she regretting it.

She was about to break into tears when she spotted a note posted on the door.

**Hi, I've missed you.**

Erza's ego came back to her. _I am not going to be swooned by one of his cheap tricks again. _She crumpled the note and shoved it inside her pocket as she reached for the lights inside once she opened the door.

She then headed to the kitchen to get a drink of water and she stopped her hand from grabbing the handle of the fridge when she saw another note.

**I've bought cranberry juice today. I know how much you love them.**

She was supposed to feel annoyed, rather she felt amused. Amused at how well he knows her. Of how well he knows what she's about to do and where she's supposed to go. Before she could stop herself, her lips stretched upwards and she couldn't deny that this was definitely a smile.

Shaking her head off and thinking that this is nothing but his usual make-things-better-and-I'm-sorry ministrations she went to the bathroom to clean herself up.

And the bathroom door greeted her with another note that got her heart racing erratically.

**Just so you know I'm beyond this door waiting for you. ;)**

Feeling her heart doing somersaults and cartwheels, she can't completely get rid of the feeling that he's there in the bath. Waiting for her. Just the two of them. Naked.

Her face flushed a violent shade of her hair and she opened the door nonetheless. With a trembling hand, she brushed the shower curtain aside and to her disappointment she found yet another note.

**Made your heart skip a beat didn't I?**

"Why you…" she crumpled the note and flushed it down the toilet. He was apparently teasing her again yet she felt oddly compelled by this. She should be mad about him for setting this whole crappy entertainment yet she felt courted and fluffy inside. She closed her eyes for a moment and let the warmth of the water dissolve all her worries.

Finally satisfied, she wasted no time getting to bed. God! Was she beat up. And just as she was about to lie down and enjoy a good night's rest she found another note.

**I'm outside. Waiting for you.**

This note was probably the last one and it's the one that made her think long and hard. Was she going to go and see if he really was outside? Or will she just sleep on her comfortable bed and act like she never saw the note?

She drew in a long and deep sigh and turned off all the lights. She tucked herself in the covers and let the night drift her to sleep.

xoxoxox

Unfortunately Jellal Fernandes didn't let her sleep. She was lying on bed but she wasn't asleep. Or more like she can't. _The wonders that Jellal does to her._

_Oh, for the love of God, I must be crazy._

She jumped out of bed and headed straight to where he said he'd be—not bothering to wear a robe even though she was hardly dressed.

She opened the door panting and there he was—features ever so gorgeous in the moonlit night.

"You came." He sounded like he raised a question but he didn't care. She came for him. For him. _Hn, looks like she really cares. _He smirked triumphantly at this.

"What? Don't tell me this is one of your sick jo—"

"You look good in that." He started.

She blushed and he knew he had her.

"W-What do you want? It's late you know." She wasn't about to give herself in just yet and he liked that idea.

"Erza."

"What?"

"Do you know how to call a man without a home—"

"I am _NOT _playing—"

"—and a girlfriend?"

Curious, she actually asked before she could stop herself.

"What?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."

"_What?_" _You're not making any sense here. _

"But I _do_ know how to call a man with a home _and_ a girlfriend." She smiled totally surrendering to his smooth talk.

Erza rolled her eyes before speaking.

"Jellal, just get the hell in."

He smirked and found himself sharing the same bed as hers again.

xoxoxox

[_The next morning_]

"Erza, did you lose some—"

"If I had a nickel for every single damn time you teased me, GOD! I could buy a Porsche or somethin'!"

"Oh? Do you know—"

"GIVE IT A REST JELLAL!"

And all she heard was his laughter reverberating inside her small apartment.

* * *

A/N: Oh boy if I had a boyfriend like that, I wouldn't know what to do. *Laughs* Review?


	2. Sick

**Catch-22**

**Disclaimer: Me own/claim nothin'**

_Because it only takes insanity to fall in love, and the rest is to be blamed on gravity._

02: Sick

* * *

Work, work and more work! That's what keeps the couple from spending quality time together, and Jellal will eventually have a nervous breakdown because of his workaholic girlfriend. Recently she's becoming too hard for him to deal with because—

**#1 Erza's been diagnosed with Two-Word Syndrome**

"Erza!"

"Not now."

"But I've baked cookies to lighten up your—"

"Maybe later."

"Then would you like some juice?"

"No thanks."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Jellal."

"Come on, you know you want—"

"Go away."

"But—"

"Jellal Fernandes!"

"Geez! Alright, alright!"

**#2 Erza's just not making any sense—literally.**

"Did you take your lunch babe?"

"Hm? Just leave them on the laundry basket, I'll wash them later."

"Don't I get my kiss?"

"Lucy said she already gave you tons of that."

"Erza have you seen my boxers? The one with elephant prints on it!"

"Natsu and I already feasted on that last night!"

Yes, Jellal is now having a hard time trying to catch his lover's attention, and he would go and use extreme methods if he had too. _Ooh… The lengths I'd go for you!_ Jellal was so focused on trying to get his girlfriend's attention that he had to resort into doing _that._

After all, desperate times, call for desperate measures.

xoxoxox

"Erza speaking," she was at work obviously, and she was— needless to say, busy with work.

"H-Hey…" Jellal's voice cracked through the receiver and this alarmed the redhead eventually.

"Jellal? What's wrong? Your voice seems… strained." She hinted and her brows furrowed in the process.

"It's nothing." He added a coughing sound right at the end of his statement and smirked at himself. _Ah, genius me._

"A-Are you sure?" Erza's voice dripped with concern now, and all of a sudden she wanted to see him so bad.

"Yeah, it's just mild coughs and fever."

"Just?! But earlier when I left this morning, you don't have a fever—or even coughs!"

"I really don't know myself… Ugh… Erza…"

And with that, she hung up. Jellal was beaming to himself like a fool, and congratulating himself for being such a bad ass actor. Now the only thing left is the act on the stage itself.

Erza nearly blasted the door open the moment she arrived. She didn't bother removing her high heels as she quickly zoomed past the living room, and towards the bedroom where she found Jellal resting.

"I came as fast as I could." He already knew that even without her saying it. Her waist length hair was tangled up in a noticeable mess, and she even left her coat at her workplace. _God, she was fast. And to think she was wearing those feet killers!_ Nevertheless, Erza looked gorgeous in his eyes; and for a moment, he felt guilty for making her rush to his aid even when he was apparently in perfect condition.

He was pulled back to reality when the back of her hand gently touched his forehead.

"God, you're burning up. Let's get you to the hospital." She breathed, still trying to catch her breath.

"There's no need Erza." If he's going to be brought there, he's sure as hell that he'd get kicked out immediately, and Erza would get mad like hell—and he hasn't even seen hell break loose yet.

"Did you take medications yet?"

"No I haven't…" And he grazed his throat to form another one of those realistic coughs.

"I could have sworn you didn't have fever this morning. What happened?" she asked; concern evident in her eyes.

_Well I saw your hair dryer, turned up the heat, used it on my forehead and voila! Homemade fever! _"I don't know…" he answered innocently.

She was about to leave the room when Jellal's clammy hand—he's keeping an ice bag tucked underneath the thick layers of covers—grabbed her.

"Are you going back to work?" he asked, feeling depressed all of a sudden.

Erza just smiled at this and kissed his still-hot-from-the-hair-dryer forehead.

"No silly, I'm going to get your medicine."

xoxoxox

"I feel great!" Jellal exclaimed happily. Well he wasn't even sick to begin with, and he just did that so he could spend a little time with sweet little Erza.

"Erza," he called out to his girlfriend sweetly. "Breakfast is ready!"

No response.

_Oh hell, please tell me she isn't back to being the usual busybody…_

Jellal reached for the door and unlocked it.

"Erza the food's—"

"Oh, Jellal…" she said weakly.

"Good lord, your face is all red!" Jellal dropped the spatula he was holding and raced towards the edge of their bed.

"I think I caught your sickness Jellal…"

…

_No shit Sherlock…_

Well at least Jellal could spend an extended quality time with his girlfriend.

* * *

A/N: What can I say, bad karma Jellal. Bad karma… LOL! Review? *winks


	3. Idiot

**Catch-22**

**Disclaimer: Me own/claim nothin'**

_Because studying takes us to whole new heights, although not as high as our stupidity takes us. _

03: Idiot

* * *

"Erza! What am I going to do?! I passed a blank sheet of paper during the exams!" Jellal exasperatedly told his girlfriend.

"Oh god Jellal. You'll have to retake the exam." Erza felt somewhat sorry for him as she took the test with so much ease.

"That's not what I'm worried about! I'm more concerned about—"

"Repeating your freshman year?" Realization hit her like a huge chunk of stone falling from the sky. She knew she would feel rather depressed and lonely if she was to advance to her sophomore year and Jellal, being held back and left behind.

"No Erza." The blue-haired guy was actually far more concerned about something else.

"What is it then?" she asked curiously.

Jellal's face suddenly turned dark and inexplicably worried.

"NATSU AND I BOTH PASSED BLANK SHEETS OF PAPER! WHAT IF THE PROFESSOR THOUGHT THAT WE ACTUALLY CHEATED?! THAT WE ACTUALLY COPIED—"

Before he could have a chance to finish his sentence, a fist comparable to the destructive force of a meteor hit him square on the face.

xoxoxox

"Natsu! Why don't you take your studies seriously?! You're flunking every subject!" Lucy shouted at the carefree, pink-haired boy.

"C'mon! Chill Luce! I'm not going to flunk every subject. There's recess—"

"That's _not_ a subject Natsu."

"T-There's still lunch."

"That's not a subject _either_ Natsu."

"Oh come on! It's part of the school curriculum right? It has to be a subject!" His face was rejecting every thought of having these so-called subjects not being subjects at all.

"Listen, the point is, you have to study to enjoy a luxurious, comfortable and problem-free life, instead of slouching all day!" The blonde tried her best to reason out to his dim-witted friend.

"Okay after studying, what's next?" he asked nonchalantly.

"You'll finish school."

"Then what?"

"You'll land on a decent job."

"Afterwards?"

"You'll earn money."

"And?"

"And you'll finally enjoy a stress-free and comfortable way of life!" she said, quite proud of what she had stated.

Natsu just smirked at her, placed both his arms behind his head, and placed his legs on top of the desk and said.

"Exactly. So tell me Luce, what do you think I'm doing now?"

xoxoxox

Erza met Lucy along the corridors and approached her immediately. She noticed that her blonde friend looked grim than usual, and just as Lucy saw her redhead friend, Erza actually bore the same features she possessed.

They both sighed in unison and out of their mouths came two words that made them share the same dilemma.

"It's Jellal."

"It's Natsu."

"I need help." They both requested at the same time.

And so, Erza being not able to handle Jellal properly sent him for Lucy to help, whilst Natsu was under Erza's supervision—because with the two of them in the girls' care, what could go wrong? Right?

xoxoxox

"Oi Lucy."

"Yes Natsu?" she was so happy that for once, Natsu actually passed a written exam! She can't thank Erza enough for this, and now, they're spending time together! She squealed in delight inside.

"Could you pass me a writing instrument with an internal ink reservoir and a sphere for a point?" Natsu gestured a hand towards her, waiting for the said material.

"Eh?"

"Luce I prefer that the material in which the internal chamber is filled by a viscous ink dispensed at the tip by a rolling action, rather than a wood-based material in which the center is made up of lead."

"…"

"Luce, I said—"

"SPEAK ENGLISH DAMN IT!"

"Give me a pen Lucy! Sheesh, is the center of your nervous system malfunctioning? Perhaps—"

"GAAAHH!"

And Lucy blasted through the door and ran for her dear life.

xoxoxox

"Erza."

"Yes Jellal?"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"What is happens when the worlds' stop from rotatin' in their axis again?"

Erza banged her face on the floor until she broke her nose and it spurted blood.

"ERZA! YOURS NOSE ARE BLEEDINGS! WE ARE DOCTORING YOU NOW TO THE HOSPITAL!"

Erza reached for her phone and dialed the number she fairly memorized.

"Lucy… It's me…"

"Erza…"

After hearing Natsu spout ambiguous and nerve-wracking definitions and theories from the receiver, and after an ear-splitting and nose bleeding series of wrong grammars and pronunciations from Jellal, they both said in unison.

"I need help…!"

* * *

A/N: I had so much fun writing this one although it's pretty short. :P I hope I made you smile even just by a little dear readers! Credits to Wikipedia for the info teehee~

P.S.

**Fullbusterrulesmyheart**- Yes, they came from me. :D I'm glad and thankful you liked them. :D  
**penguin trainer**- Thanks! I've changed and corrected it now! :)  
And to those who continue to review and read and follow and add this to their favorites- A HUGE thanks!


End file.
